I'm not going to do any editing with this one, so I apologize for any grammatical or logic errors. One year ago today, my last marriage ended. I've learned it wasn't her fault or my fault. Rather it seems more like years of personal struggles finally took their toll. Perhaps had we followed the advice in the song from Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson years ago to just go to Luckenbach, Texas (or wherever) and gotten back to basics, we'd not have ended the way we did. In my constant quest for owning more "stuff," having greater status, living in bigger houses, there'd have been time to enjoy life rather than become a slave to it. Slavery brings greater stress, sometimes enough to destroy someone. In any case, it happened. The past is gone, forever relegated to distant glimpses of recall and a sense of regret whenever the old appears in the present. I remember that years ago, I had prayed for wisdom. If nothing else, this past year has taught me a few things.

One of those lessons dealt with self-definition. It's not occupation or possessions. If it is either or both, then one is forced to toil more and more to ultimately pay for less and less. An occupation where the goal is money often means those who are your masters have the same goal and will sacrifice you or anyone else so that they continue to be "on top." Yet, if you really consider it from some sense of morals, you'd not even associate with people like that at all. Instead, though, you act like they are your friends so you can hopefully remain employed, while you choke on your distaste for what they do to both you and others. The constantly stated excuse that "it's only business" is no excuse, it's a false justification for actions that hurt others. Meanwhile, the truly important parts of life are tossed aside, forgotten until it becomes too late to regain them. My ex-wife always worked for herself, she said she couldn't tolerate working for someone else. I definitely should have followed that lead.

Another lesson learned has to do with doctors. Be very careful in your blind trust of doctors. Yes, I am sure some really want to help people. Others want to gain money. For example, there are many other ways of conquering depression besides taking some prescribed medications that will end up not only taking away your soul but will literally move you into some kind of alternate reality where you are not you at all. If you end up realizing this has happened, it's a horrific nightmare once you stop taking their pills and attempt to figure out who you really are. I see that psychiatric medications are now prescribed more than any other type of pharmaceutical. Either many, many people are somehow mentally ill, or maybe there are external causes (dealing with modern society?) and it's those causes that should be eliminated, not masked by drugs.

Planning for the future is fine as long as there's a clear understanding that everything you ever planned for and all that you have can be gone in moments. So, rather than remaining fixated on some future grand goal at the expense of all else, put the present first and try to really enjoy all the small gifts that life offers - and you have ignored. Where I used to live, a fire in a wood stove and having something to eat should have been reason enough to be happy. Unfortunately, it was not so in my mind. At least right now, I can watch an eagle flying around in the valley below and really stop and appreciate it.

Value the friendship of others, it is often more fleeting than you know. If you have a choice between helping yourself and helping someone else, you'll gain more by helping another. Many people cannot be loyal to you, they are loyal to money or protecting themselves, so if you find a person who is truly loyal to you regardless of who you become or what you no longer have, hold on to that person. Someone like that is very rare. If you find there is no one else, there's always your God or your Great Spirit. Learn to live with that inner guidance. It may be all you have, and if you understand that is all you need, then anything else that comes from this life is a greater blessing.